divineroots
by Liisa Robinson
Divine Roots Blog
Beginnings and Endings
The end of a year and start of a new one is often a time that we reflect on the passages of our lives. It’s an opportunity to bring to awareness all of the facets of our lives and perhaps offers a particularly clear lens on things that are currently in transition (or things we *wish* were in transition!)
It’s gotten me thinking on the idea of beginnings and endings. I think these ideas tap into our human desire to make things neat and tidy. My experience (and likely one of the sentences I use most in my counselling practice) is that “humans are messy”. So, when the new year rolls around, sometimes we get this desire for a clean ending on a new beginning.
On Endings…
I’m not sure who coined the word “closure”, but I would like to have a firm conversation with this person. So often, I sit with people who want to know the answer to the question “what will it take for me to have closure on this?”. Certainly things can shift, feel differently, move, change and show up differently in our lives, but all of our experiences are a part of our fabric, part of our cellular make up, and will in some way weave throughout our lives. We might want to tie something up with a bow and say “that’s in my past, I dealt with that”, but we are always in relationships with it in some way. If we can accept that we don’t have to have everything totally figured out, sorted, and closed, then we release the pressure and we can just BE with ourselves. Many of the things people want to leave in the past, like grief, trauma, difficult relationships or choices we don’t love, are not things we can DEAL with, they tend to be things we can learn to BE with. In North American culture, we have this idea that we can DO something about anything that causes us discomfort. That’s just not true. On grief especially, people have this idea that if you don’t feel it “properly” in the moment, it will come back to bite you in the butt. My experience is that we feel things the way we do, when we do. When we don’t need to get closure, we can start to be with the stories about our lives that confuse us and just let them weave into our futures in the way they will naturally be. Doesn’t that take the pressure off of personal work when we don’t have to do it “right” or get “closure”?
On Beginnings…
New Year…New You! New Relationship…New You! New Body….New You! Pardon me for a moment while I tuck my soap box back under my desk so I can have this conversation with you, dear reader, from a gentle place. Consumerism has done one heck of a job suggesting to us that we can somehow become “different” through the purchase of a product or by morphing our physical being. Now again, I’m not suggesting that there aren’t times in life where we shift our energy, adjust our focus, or start to make choices that are more in line with our values. These are times of great wonder, where our inner selves and the way we live are lives come more into alignment. What is not so wonderful is the total overhaul mentality that sometimes comes along with the new year (and subsequent pain when the “results” aren’t realized) . I have a strong hunch that deep alignment is not found in a one size fits all (or none) diet plan, a bottle of supplements, or some glossy new conditioner / partner / career. So how do we approach personal change without getting trapped in this cycle of looking for “newness”? My suggestion is that the most important piece (I crack myself up when I imagine that I know what is “most important” for anyone…but I’m going to keep typing anyways!) is accepting where you at RIGHT NOW, before any changes. Any time we change from a place of feeling shame, guilt, or less than, we are dishonouring ourselves. There might be parts of where you are at right now that aren’t serving you, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. The self judgement that comes along with personal work can be very subtle and slippery. As Richard Miller said in a training I did with him last summer “Acceptance doesn’t mean inviting yourself to tea and then asking your guest to be different. It means accepting everything that comes through the door”. If we knew that where we are today, right now, is exactly the right place for today and that we must have made the best choices available to us to get here, then we can shift and adjust our actions from a place of compassion and wholeness. Once our whole self is invited to tea, deep alignment starts to become more clear and it bubbles up from deep within us (which is SO much more clear than what a magazine might offer us!).
One other note -Sometimes people have made choices in the past (or are still making them today) that have really hurt others or themselves. Compassion and acceptance can exist with with accountability. You can be accountable for your choices without having to be a bad person.
So, however the “New Year” is showing up for you, if you are taking inventory and considering adjustments in your life for the future and considering what you’d like to leave in the past, I would recommend that, as a starting place, you honour totally and completely the person you are today, right in this moment. This being likely doesn’t have “closure” on all the tough parts of life, and is likely gloriously messy and complicated. Welcome to being human!
Please note: the information on this blog is not intended to be therapeutic. Your own knowledge of self (perhaps supplemented by your own therapeutic relationships) should supercede advice or thoughts read on the internet.
Mindful Medications
Many people have questions about how medications might help in their healing process. Typically, it is a general practitioner (MD) or a Psychiatrist (a specialized MD) who prescribes a medication. These medications are thought to work on depressive symptoms, anxiety, obsessive thoughts and other psychological states. My experience is that many clients are conflicted about whether to take an antidepressant (or other medication) or not. I don’t have a strong bias either direction on this one; I understand the reticence some people experience (which often rises from a desire to use natural healing, and can often interact with social stigma about mental health), and I have also seen many people experience relief while using medications. I do believe in each person’s capacity for healing and I know that sometimes our busy world where many of us struggle to have enough time in nature, to be socially supported, to have access to quality nutrition and good sleep makes it a challenge for our bodies and minds to heal. I have also seen some of the research (on psychosis particularly) about changes that happen in the brain when someone is experiencing mental health challenges and have seen health be restored through the use of appropriate medications. There is no quick “yes” or “no” that works for everyone when it comes to this decision.
As someone who IS NOT an expert on medications. I often encourage clients to have a good conversation with the prescribing MD about the substance at hand. The world of psychotropic drugs is not an exact science, and like any other category of medications, each person will respond slightly differently. These questions might be helpful in gathering information:
1. What is this medication? How does it work?
2. What are the range of possible dosages and where is mine on the spectrum?
3. If it was having the effect we hoped for, how would I know?
4. How long until I would expect to feel a change?
5. How long would you expect I would be on this medication?
6. What are the risks / side effects of this medication?
7. Are there other options that might be expected to have a similar outcome?
8. If there is a plan for me to come off this medication, what would that look like?
9. How expensive is this medication?
10. Are there lifestyle changes that would support this medication? (or be useful to try in place of it?)
The decisions that each person makes about their health are deeply personal. One of the ways counselling can be helpful in this process is to support you in asking good questions, and to provide a safe, nonjudgmental place for you to explore the answers and options. I would encourage you to use caution when searching the web for information on psychotropic medications, and critically evaluate the source of the information you read. One good site for reviewing the types of medication available is the University of Toronto Counselling Centre (click here). One thing that is rather consistent in the research is that medication alone is rarely as effective as medication in conjunction with a therapeutic relationship.
Please note: the information on this blog is not intended to be therapeutic. Your own knowledge of self (perhaps supplemented by your own therapeutic relationships) should supercede advice or thoughts read on the internet.
Public Restorative Yoga Class Now Available!
Click here for details! (they are listed alphabetically – scroll down to Restorative)
I am so delighted to let you know that I will be teaching a class at the Interurban Campus of Camosun College in May and June which is open to the public.
Restorative yoga challenges the body, mind and spirit in a way that we aren’t used to thinking of “challenge” in North America. It asks us to be present, to slow down, feel every breath, every nuance. It’s not unusual to find this kind of quiet a bit unfamiliar at first, as sometimes our brains / egos sometimes grab on to the idea of “hard work” (and in the west this means “sweaty”!) being virtuous. In this deep presence and slowing of the body / mind, deep healing can occur. Restorative yoga is meant to (literally and figuratively) be supportive. I enjoy it as a regular part of my yoga practice; it’s also particularly useful in times of high stress or when physical, emotional or spiritual healing is needed.
It’s $42 for 6 classes and runs on Thursdays from 4:45-5:45. Please feel free to email if you have any questions. I look forward to sharing this practice with you.